wonder

I wonder about a lot of things. As a mother, I sometimes wonder if I'm doing things right. Thankfully, I have seven amazing children and they help me to be a better mother. Two of our children are still in Haiti. Collectively, I have only had a little over two weeks of actual mothering influence with them. Everyday, I think of them. I think of them in Haiti and with those thoughts come joy. Indescribable joy. And with those thoughts come a burden. A mothers love bottled up for two years - anxiety about their well being, sad they aren't with us --where we can tickle them everyday, and hug and love them, read to them, teach them new things, give them a place of belonging ....a family!-- frustrated the process of adoption has to be so complicated. So with each thought of joy comes a feeling of sadness because the are still in Haiti.

Maybe today I'm writing this because it was two years ago I found Marie and Roberto and I wondered. I wondered if *I* could be *their* mother. I wondered about a lot of things two years ago....things I no longer wonder about. They are Hixon's now. But I still must wait for the process of adoption to be completed before they can join us. I still wonder about plenty of things.....like how many more chairs and couches our dog Louie will chew up when they come home (Louie - our Jack Russell is currently struggling the most with having Katiana home), how they will fit into our family, what struggles having two more children will bring....of course, I like to wonder about the joys they will bring too. I wonder about the unknown. What I do not wonder about anymore is *if* we are doing the right thing. Of course we are. We are a lucky family.